it’s like
-i-
i know what it’s like to hold on
like at six—when you clenched a fist
full of rocks from the playground
wrapping your sweaty fingers around
fool's gold
and it made no sense to anyone
except you and the dirt that held them
before you found them
these diamonds in the rough
glittering pieces of nothing
now mean something
because you discovered them
-ii-
i know what it’s like to let go
like when the ribbon of a balloon
tickles your hand, dances across your palm
and you release it
testing the patience of your mom
as you walk the short distance from the store
to the minivan
and she tells you to get a grip
but you cannot
because you are too curious
about what it looks like when it
disappears into the sky
how far before your eyes
can’t see it anymore
-iii-
i know what it’s like to have loved and lost
and also to have never loved at all
and also to have loved and found
and also to know that there’s more love out there
than the whole scope of us can wrap around
fourteen billion arms
like the black space between the stars
and the stars themselves
and the rings of jupiter
and the volatility of the sun
that god decided to put close enough
to keep us alive
but also far away enough
to keep us in time
with the seasons
all four of them
(and there’s probably more of them, to be honest,
or less, if you live in south florida)
but i’ve learned that there’s love for all seasons
and then there’s love that doesn’t belong in seasons at all
but it shows up anyway
covers your world like global warming
walks right through your ozone layer,
melting your glaciers,
making the roaring ocean in your body
a sight to be seen—
believe me—
a flood of serotonin
making the deserts of your mind
reel with mirages like movies
and temperatures hotter than last summer, you’re certain
-iv-
i know what it’s like for no one to understand your story
and for everyone to tell it
boredom-born storytellers
what it’s like to wear the scarlet letter
like a patch on your cool jean jacket
alongside metal pins that say “i tried my best”
and also “never give up”
all of that to say, i know
what it’s like to be a contradiction
to be so ashamed that you fight yourself
and the screaming minds of silent strangers
by yelling “i’m a good person! i’m! a! good! person!”
but never out loud
(always very quiet)
(always in your heart)
(and never in your head)
-v-
i know what it’s like for your heart to break
for your spirit and your bones to ache
what it’s like to inhale
the mistakes you’ve made
and radiate
like you swallowed the moon
like you took what life threw at you
and you threw it back
and you lay in the grass
and you stare at the night
with specks in your eyes
and you know that there’s love in those spaces between
and you exhale the song the stars sing